I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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