i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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