i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
