literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
