one might say we're banned from that church
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
