I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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