Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
