And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
