It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
