did you get engaged???
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
