Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
