I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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