I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Someone shattered a urinal.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i believe in u and ur pee
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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