Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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