just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
