I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
