Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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