Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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