I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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