Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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