When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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