When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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