ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
