I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
cat food counts as protein by the way
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
