You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
