I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
