I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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