Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
