and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
