Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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