ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
