Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
