she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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