You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
being pregnant is like rehab
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
