okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
