Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I wear drunk well.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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