I think I am morally bankrupt
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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