I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
