What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
