so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
