This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Pappa wants mamma naked
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
