boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize