So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
