omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
high people should be assigned attendants
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
