So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Can you bring me the toilet please
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
