just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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