you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
