So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
