first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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