Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
