Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
