Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
