I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
