I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize