so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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