Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
