I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
