I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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