Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
