woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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