Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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