you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
