Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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