I accidentally had phone sex last night
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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