The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
