Me too!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
