We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
