So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
