I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
