I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
