We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
