just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize