Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
They are going to name an STD after you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
