I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
