Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
