Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
