She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
