he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize