mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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