If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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