im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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