Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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