So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
