Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
